What if you had a position in schools where an adult was in a strictly supportive role? Someone who could be proactive in addressing behaviors while remaining available for crises that arise? Someone who focuses on restoring relationships with students and teachers rather, than resorting to punishments?
Well, that’s what my colleagues and I are here for as restorative practice counselors. With many different backgrounds, experiences, and motivations for coming to this role, we have each brought a fresh perspective and approach on how to best prepare our students for the future, teach proper mediation, and run groups in the class known as “Circles”. I personally have come from a social work background and quickly learned that while there are many similarities in the role, there are also some distinct differences. Let’s go into more detail on these elements and demonstrate what I mean.
Peer Leaders of Tomorrow
One of our first responsibilities as RP Counselors was when we started working at a middle school during a summer school session. Admittedly, we had very few opportunities to put some of the restorative practices into effect with the students, given that there were fewer students and shorter days. However, there was something else that we oversaw – a peer leadership camp for middle school students that were chosen by staff to attend. We prepared some fun activities that encouraged team building and planned out a model for these students to follow the elements of restorative practices. One of the things that stood out immediately with these students was their level of engagement. These kids were genuinely interested in being peer leaders in their schools and working alongside us to address peer conflicts and run smaller circles.
My colleagues and I were blown away by their level of maturity as they remained engaged throughout the camp and demonstrated ideas that I honestly would not expect from middle school students. Some of these ideas arose in an early activity where we asked them to determine guidelines for being a peer leader. When they wrote down their ideas, they considered many factors that we didn’t expect them to, such as maintaining good grades to be a peer leader and asking for help from staff on mediation when a friend is involved in a conflict. They took the responsibilities asked of them seriously and demonstrated that even middle schoolers have the desire to have a school environment that’s conducive to conflict resolution.
Empowering Students with Effective Mediations
When I entered the school setting as a social worker, I was often tasked with addressing conflicts between students who got into arguments or became aggressive toward each other. During these times, I usually had to guide the conversation with the students and would more likely than not have to reach a solution myself for them to follow. This was not the case with the first major mediation I oversaw at my assigned school using the Restorative Practices approach. To give some background on how mediations are done through a restorative approach, you pull each person involved individually before going into the mediation. There are several key questions that you ask when doing mediations:
- What happened?
- What were you thinking at the time?
- What have you thought about since?
- Who has been affected by what you have done?
- What do you think you need to do to make things right?
These questions are asked to ensure that you get a feel for how the student is feeling and to allow them to state their side of a conflict with questions that aren’t accusatory or intimidating. By asking these questions, you demonstrate that you are neutral with your approach and can better determine students’ feelings. Another component was using a talking piece, where only the person holding it is talking. This prevents people from talking over each other and letting a conversation happen without disruption. Another big rule of doing mediations is making sure everyone involved is ready to talk it through and not force it if a student isn’t ready as that could make the situation worse.
Effective Mediations in Action
In the case of the students I worked with, four girls were in an argument where three of them said that the remaining student, whom we shall call “Jane,” was controlling and bossy. One of the three girls, whom we shall call “Kayla” didn’t want to be friends with this student anymore.
So, what happened with the mediation? To be frank, I was worried we wouldn’t reach that point because the girl who wanted to end the friendship seemed extremely upset. When we met individually, I told her I would give her some time to cool off and let her process what we talked about and check in with her later that week. To my surprise, “Kayla” approached me before I planned to speak with her, and she said that she was willing to talk with her peers. I then gathered the four students in my office where they would have some privacy to discuss their conflict.
When I ran the mediation, I had all four students restate what happened from their own perspectives. Their stories all painted a similar picture in that Jane and Kayla had been arguing because Jane felt that her peer, whom we shall call “Maya,” was trying to replace Jane as Kayla’s friend. Kayla said that this attitude made her believe that Jane was bossy and that she didn’t want to be her friend. What happened next was different from the outcome I expected. Maya asked for the talking piece and told Kayla that when Kayla and herself had arguments; Kayla was more forgiving to her than she would be to Jane in the same situations. Maya pointed out that this wasn’t fair to Jane and that if Kayla could forgive her for making a mistake, she could forgive Jane too. Maya then told Jane that she understood her frustration but was not trying to steal her friend. This led to Jane and Kayla agreeing to move forward from this incident and to be friends again. By allowing the students to speak to each other in a safe space where they had time to process the events and not be punished for any arguing, they were able to bounce back and restore their friendship by simply talking it out with each other.
The Proactive Power of Circles
Circles are groups in the classroom setting. They are called circles because the students will circle up in the classroom. Some rules are stated before the discussion takes place and usually involve:
- Respecting a talking piece
- Keeping the discussion in the classroom
- Not being disrespectful.
These circles can address a topic that can be beneficial, or they can be a proactive tool to address an issue in the classroom. In this case, it was the latter. This particular circle came about because a student whom we shall call “John” was being bullied by his peers, specifically being called “gay” for having his nails painted. This affected John so much that he stayed home from school to take a mental health day. It was a very hurtful thing that needed to be addressed. Before doing the circle, I met with John and asked him the same questions I would ask in a mediation to see where he was at mentally. He told me he didn’t feel safe coming to school and he confirmed the comment that was made by his peer who we shall call “Ben”. I told him I would address the class, and with his permission I would share with the class that he told me he didn’t feel safe at school.
I came into John’s class and laid out expectations for the circle. When I addressed the class as a whole to let them know that John didn’t feel safe, many students expressed shock. But what really stood out to me was Ben’s reaction as he began to cry and needed to be comforted by his teacher. I reminded the class that I was not there to enforce any punishment or consequences, but to address the bullying so it wouldn’t continue in the classroom. I allowed the students to express their feelings to John, and there were a variety of comments. Some felt sad for him, some felt disappointed in their peers, others were surprised that it had this big of an impact. We then worked on solutions to address bullying in the classroom by reporting it if they ever saw it to me or their teacher.
After the circle I met with Ben to gauge how he was doing. He broke down crying again and told me that he would never have called John gay if he knew it would make him feel unsafe. I reminded Ben that he was not a bad kid, but rather that he made some poor choices. Ben acknowledged this and apologized to John when he returned to class. Ben promised to think before he spoke, and John accepted his apology. By allowing the students to openly express their feelings rather than punishing them, I feel we reached a better resolution.
Learn More About Restorative Practices in Schools
There will be many stories, experiences, and challenges throughout the year, but there is something you can do if you ever want to learn more about this role in the schools. As of writing this, all elementary and middle schools in West Aurora School District 129 have restorative practice counselors.
Would you like to learn more about the roles and responsibilities of Restorative Practice Counselors? I highly recommend some light reading, “Better Than Carrots and Sticks,” which goes into more depth about the restorative practices counselor’s role in the school setting. I have gone through this book, and not only did it help me improve my skills as a Restorative Practices Counselor, but it gave me some insight into some real-life examples of the core beliefs and philosophies being applied.
Learn more about Family Counseling Service and the full scope of service offerings we also provide in our Aurora and Oswego, IL offices.
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