October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month. As the Program Manager for the Violence Intervention Services Program, this is a topic that I am passionate about bringing more awareness to. According to the CDC, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced physical violence by an intimate partner. These statistics focus on physical abuse, but domestic violence encompasses several ways in which relationships can be considered abusive.

Understanding Abusive Relationships

The Power and Control Wheel (Duluth Model) is a helpful tool to understand all of the ways relationships can become abusive. It illustrates the various tactics often used in abusive relationships to maintain power and control. The wheel is divided into eight sections, each representing a different form of abuse. Each section provides a detailed description of manipulative and harmful behaviors that fall under their respective form of abuse. The Power and Control Wheel includes the following sections:

  • Coercion and Threats: Pertains to behavior where the abuser threatens to harm the victim, their loved ones, or themselves, or manipulates the victim by making or carrying out threats.
  • Intimidation: Involves wielding fear as a weapon, either through looks, actions, or gestures. It could also include smashing things or destroying the victim’s property. 
  • Emotional Abuse: Refers to undermining a person’s self-esteem or sense of self-worth. It includes constant criticism, belittling, and causing the victim to feel guilty.
  • Isolation: The abuser controls what the victim does, who they see and talk to, what they read, and where they go, effectively limiting their outside involvement.
  • Minimizing, Denying, and Blaming: Manipulation tactic where the abuser makes light of the abuse and does not take the victim’s concerns seriously. The abuser may deny that abuse occurred or shift the responsibility for the abusive behavior onto the victim.
  • Using Children: Involves making the victim feel guilty about the children, using the children to relay messages, or using visitation to harass the victim.
  • Economic Abuse: The abuser seeks to maintain total control over the financial resources, withhold the victim’s access to funds, or prohibit the victim from attending school or working.
  • Male Privilege: Focuses on treating the victim like a servant, making all the big decisions, acting like the “master of the castle,” and being the one to define men’s and women’s roles.

The wheel aims to help victims and advocates identify and better understand the complex dynamics of abusive relationships, fostering awareness and potentially leading to intervention and change.

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Facts About Teen Dating Violence

Abusive behaviors can start as early as teenagers in dating relationships. Teen dating violence can affect anyone regardless of age, gender, sexual orientation, socio-economic status, or cultural background. According to the Department of Education, approximately one in three teenagers aged 14-20 have experienced dating violence, while an equal number of teens admit to perpetrating violence themselves.

Instances of teen domestic violence can differ from those seen in adult relationships. It is important for family and friends to be mindful of certain indicators. Warning signs of teen dating violence include: 

  • Controlling behavior
  • The partner telling the teen who they can or cannot be friends with
  • Isolation from friends and family
  • Jealousy and possessiveness
  • Explosive anger or sudden mood swings
  • Physical violence, such as punching, slapping, or kicking
  • Threatening to spread rumors to a peer group
  • Making them feel guilty
  • Sexual coercion, which includes abuse but can also include comments on how the teen dresses and negatively influencing style choices
  • Threats of harm or self-harm if the victim tries to leave the relationship 

Teens who experience dating violence are also more likely to engage in risky behaviors such as drug and alcohol use, skipping school, and engaging in sexual activity. They may also suffer from depression or anxiety.

Common Myths about Domestic Violence

Domestic violence is a complex issue that requires a nuanced understanding. It is crucial to toss certain misconceptions that perpetuate harmful stereotypes. Here are some common myths about domestic violence according to the Arizona Coalition to End Sexual and Domestic Violence:

  • Myth #1: Victims are part of the problem and provoke violence. Fact: Violence is never an acceptable response.
  • Myth #2: Domestic Violence is about inability to manage anger. Fact: People who are abusive are able to manage their anger. They choose to target their abuse at their partners and families. They are not using the same tactics with friends or co-workers.
  • Myth #3: Victims can just leave. They choose to stay with their partners. Fact: Fear, lack of safe options, and economic status, in addition to other reasons, all can lead victims to stay in their relationship. The most dangerous time for a victim is when they attempt to leave their relationship.

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Empowering Change in Partner Abuse Intervention and Prevention

At Family Counseling Service, we provide a Partner Abuse Intervention and Prevention Program to assist offenders in learning the ability to handle conflicts in a nonaggressive, assertive way and develop non-violent alternatives for expressing pain and anger in relationships. 

In a group format, clients learn to understand that violence, abuse, and use of power and privilege are a means of controlling the victim. Using power and control is a choice; they can learn to accept responsibility for the impact on the victim and others. In my experience leading a group, there are also myths I hear often that I think would be helpful to share:

  • Myth #1: Leading a group is empathizing with offenders and making their actions seem ok. Fact: While we can empathize with clients about their experiences, we hold them accountable for their actions and choices.
  • Myth #2: Leading a group is scary, and group leaders should be afraid. Fact: Clients in group can be upset, but their anger is typically not aimed at the group leaders. Partner abuse is most often about power and control aimed at partners and families.
  • Myth #3: One particular population or economic class is engaged in partner abuse groups. Fact: Clients in group are from different backgrounds and economic statuses.
  • Myth #4: People don’t change. Fact: Domestic Violence is a learned behavior and can be unlearned. People who utilize power and control tactics were often victims of domestic violence as children or did not learn other ways to interact in relationships.

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How Awareness Helps the Cause: A Call To Action

The first step in addressing partner abuse is awareness. As a society, we must educate ourselves on domestic violence’s root causes and effects. We must be aware of our own biases and privileges that may contribute to perpetuating a culture where power and control are seen as acceptable means of interaction. We must also hold each other accountable for our actions and speak out against violence and abuse. Here are some actions you can take to help bring awareness to domestic violence and shed the cycle of abuse for many: 

  • Have Conversations With Your Kids: Talk to your children about healthy relationships and how to communicate using assertive language. 
  • Have Conversations With Local Schools: Engage in conversations with local school districts to incorporate topics of healthy relationships and effective communication styles into the curriculum.
  • Speak Out: Ask that Judges and Police in each county have training on the Power and Control Wheel to assess the needs of victims in order to keep them safe. 
  • Support survivors: If someone you know is experiencing domestic violence, believe them and offer support. Let them know they are not alone and help connect them with resources for safety.

Domestic violence affects not only those involved, but also the entire community. It can have severe consequences, causing its victims mental, emotional, and physical harm. By standing up against domestic violence, we can create healthier and safer communities. Let’s work towards a world without domestic violence.

Reach Out to Family Counseling Service for Help

If you are struggling with your mental health, getting the help you need from a qualified mental health provider is essential. Family Counseling Service is here to help. Call us at 630-844-2662 or contact us online to schedule individual therapy, or inquire about our other available services.