It’s that time of year again, the holidays. Many times behind all of the lights, presents, parties, and events, there are parents who are struggling to have some sense of “normalcy” with their children. The holidays bring a lot of different challenges for parents. Many of us might be struggling with our own feelings related to the holidays, which can also impact our interactions with our children. I hope you find these parenting tips for the holidays to be helpful as you navigate the holiday season this year.
As a child therapist, I know that supporting parents and providing them with some tools to help manage these chaotic times is immensely beneficial and helps to minimize conflict.
Parenting tips for the holidays:
1. Let go of expectations for perfection
The world, including social media and movies, tells us as parents that everything about the holidays needs to be perfect for our children. Think back to your own childhood. I would bet that your memories are not about how clean the house was, how much money your parents spent on gifts, or how many holiday events you attended.
My guess is that your memories are surrounded by feelings you experienced—staying in pajamas all day on Christmas, baking cookies with your mom, reading stories, or watching holiday movies while having hot cocoa. When parents are flexible and allow things to be different from the vision of Christmas that we see all around us, we are able to be present with our children and realize the true importance of the holiday season.
2. Allow your children to have a say in what you do for the holidays
The biggest complaint I often hear from kids is that they feel they do not have any say in what goes on in the family. Your kids will feel valued and heard if you talk with them and get their input in how your family celebrates the holidays.
3. Limit the holiday events your family attends
We do not have to attend everything that we receive an invitation to. Rushing from event to event can create dysregulation in our children and result in fighting. Limiting holiday events may look like having a family meeting at the beginning of the holiday season where all events are discussed and each family member has a say in what to attend. It’s important to set boundaries with others, and a response to an invitation for an event you don’t want to attend may look like this: “thank you so much for thinking of us, we would love to come, but we have a prior commitment that day.”
4. Prepare your children for the events you will be attending
Sit down with your children leading up to an event. Explain where the event will be, who will be there, and how long you plan to stay. Perhaps have a code word that family members can use if they are struggling to stay at the party. The more our children feel they know what is coming, the less their nervous systems will react. This increased nervous system regulation will limit tantrums and meltdowns, making a more enjoyable experience for all involved.
5. Keep consistent routines
I know, this is so hard during those holiday weeks. But, I promise it will help when it is time to return to school. Do your best to maintain your regular sleep and mealtime schedules throughout the holidays so your children can stay on track.
6. Celebrate family traditions (even with teenagers!)
Your family’s traditions may look like driving around and looking at Christmas lights, staying in pajamas all day on Christmas, or watching a particular movie every year. These traditions are what your children will remember!
7. Have age-appropriate expectations for kids
We can’t expect that our 5-year-old will sit quietly at a holiday party when so much is going on! It is also normal for our teenagers to want to sit on their phones and not socialize at events. Though these behaviors can be frustrating to parents, they are age appropriate! Being realistic about what we expect of our kids can save considerable time on fights.
8. Resist pressuring children to show affection
This is the time of year when our kids spend time with family and friends they do not see regularly. Showing affection to people they don’t often see may feel scary or overwhelming to them, and they may not be comfortable hugging them. That is okay!
9. Limit gifts and focus on experiences
Limiting physical gifts is easier said than done, but a focus on experiences can lead to less stress and less overwhelm with clutter when the holiday season is over. Tickets to shows, music lessons, classes, or memberships to museums or zoos are great ways to create more memories throughout the year.
10. Manage your own nervous system
If you are feeling overwhelmed or dysregulated, your children probably are too. Give yourself permission to slow down. We are modeling the behaviors we want to see from our children, and if we are struggling, it can be more difficult for our kids to manage their nervous systems!
11. Last but certainly not least – have fun!
The holiday season goes by quickly, and children become adults in the blink of an eye. Soak up the memories as much as possible, and enjoy this special time in your children’s lives.
This time of year is stressful for all of us. Even choosing just 2-3 of these parenting tips for the holidays can increase your enjoyment this time of year.
If you’re finding this season to be difficult, there is hope and there are people to talk to. Reach out to Family Counseling Service for not only mental health needs but also parent coaching (offered individually and in a group format). Call Family Counseling Service at 630-844-2662 or contact us online to schedule parent coaching or individual therapy and give yourself permission to take care of yourself.
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