As a parent, there is much value in knowing the importance of your child’s self-esteem and how it affects their overall mental health and well-being.
Self-esteem is how a child feels about themselves and is also influenced by how others accept and value them. It is a reflection of one’s character and self-respect, and parents have a huge part in building up their child’s self-esteem.
Love, trust, autonomy, initiative, self-control and social interaction contribute to how a child feels about themselves.
The Importance of Your Child’s Self-Esteem
Factors that affect a child’s self-esteem levels:
- Child’s perception of successes and failures
- Perceived acceptance of others
- Approval and/or disapproval by adults
- Ability to meet standards set by others
Stages of self-esteem development
As children grow, each age comes with a new stage of self-esteem development. Below are the various stages of self-esteem development listed by age group and what heavily impacts self-esteem at each of these stages.
Ages 2-6
- Development of autonomy, attachment, and mastery
- Self-esteem is influenced by reactions and expectations of caregivers
Ages 6-12
- Development of physical, social, and academic competence
- Self-esteem is influenced by those outside the home
Ages 12-18
- Self-esteem is highly influenced by peers and increased independence from caregivers
Implications of low self-esteem in children
There can be many negative implications of low self-esteem in children not only within themselves but also within their family, their school, and their community. Below are some examples of how negative self-esteem affects these areas.
- Individual
- Agreement with others’ negative opinions
- Loss of interest in skills and compares self to others
- Family
- Emotional and physical withdrawal from others
- Tension and shame can result in acting out behaviors
- School
- Reduced social interactions and social avoidance
- Reluctance to participate in classroom activities and academics
- Community
- Minimal participation with others and extracurricular activities
Common responses to low self-esteem
- Feelings of worthlessness and incompetence
- Decreased time spent with others and decreased interest in activities once enjoyed
- Feelings of anger, resentment, and jealousy towards others
- Feeling unsuccessful and overwhelmed by life tasks
- Acting out behaviors and negative self-statements reinforcing low self-esteem
Ways to assess your child’s self-esteem
There are a variety of ways you can self-assess your child’s self-esteem. You can ask yourself the following questions as they relate to your child:
- What does your child think they do well?
- How does your child respond to failure?
- How does your child respond to new challenges?
- Are you setting reasonable or attainable expectations for your child?
Tips for building your child’s self-esteem
If you discover through the self-assessment above that your child does suffer from low self-esteem, these are some quick tips to help you build their self-esteem back up:
- Encourage your child using a 5:1 ratio: 5 positive statements for every 1 negative one
- Value your child unconditionally
- Be patient and tolerant
- Set your child up for success
- Use reward systems and behavior charts
- Have realistic expectations and goals
- Refrain from comparisons and avoid labeling your child
- Focus on the positives rather than the negatives
- Focus on the behaviors rather than their character
- Encourage their efforts rather than the product or outcome
- Encourage self-expression and creativity
- Encourage positive self-statements as part of daily routine
- Encourage child to participate in “feel-good” activities
- Deal with disappointments calmly
If you are struggling with helping your child have positive self-esteem, you are not alone. There is hope and there are people here to help. Call Family Counseling Service at 630-844-2662 or contact us online to schedule parent coaching or individual therapy for your child or yourself.
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